Is being 100% focused on someone something wrong to do?

Or maybe it's not 100%, maybe it's 450%. 

Is there any term of "too much" to be focused only for that person?

Or is it going to be any better if I slowly decrease the attention?

Or possession or obsession?

Should I silently fade away? Because giving those "too-much" focus will end up in a blame towards me. and all I can do is to listen and act everything is okay, all over again.

Is the concept of  "all yours" and "all mine" wrong?

What if I want to be 100% for him but he doesn't even want to clearly listen what you really feel?

Or maybe should I be busy with myself so I don't have to be extra focus?

Are these questions I have in my head shaping me in becoming someone elusive?

All I was focusing about is to prevent anything bad happen. And pointing out everyone to be the cause of the unwanted tragedy. 

Maybe I am elusive. 

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Maybe it's just who I really was.

Do you ever wonder the power of one single shocking tragedy that won't make you the same anymore?

And you tried your best to convince yourself that everything is going to be okay, and it won't change any part of you. 

You tried your best to stay out of your comfort zone and pretend that you are okay and gonna accept anything in the end. 

You gave chances and chances and here you are, trying to be the old version of you but you just can't.

I always try to pick a lesson after something happen.

I took a lesson.

A positive one.

I want to be the the old version of me,

I don't want to be scared 24/7 because it's tiring.

But I just can't.

I can't bear to recall the feeling I had that day.

I don't want to cry for the same reason.

I'm scared, can anyone hear me?

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Can anyone hear me?